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TED英語(yǔ)演講：學(xué)會(huì)擁抱別人
學(xué)會(huì)擁抱別人，就是給自己溫暖
演講者：Thandie Newton
Embracing otherness. When I first heard this theme, I thought, well, embracing otherness is embracing myself. And the journey to that place of understanding and acceptance has been an interesting one for me, and it's given me an insight into the whole notion of self, which I think is worth sharing with you today.
擁抱他人，當(dāng)我第一次聽(tīng)到這個(gè)主題時(shí)我覺(jué)得擁抱他人，就是擁抱我自己。對(duì)于我來(lái)說(shuō)通往理解和接納的路是十分有意思的，并且讓我對(duì)“自我”這一概念有了深刻的理解。我想這值得在今天和你們分享。
We each have a self, but I don't think that we're born with one. You know how newborn babies believe they're part of everything; they're not separate? Well that fundamental sense of oneness is lost on us very quickly. It's like that initial stage is over -- oneness: infancy, unformed, primitive. It's no longer valid or real. What is real is separateness, and at some point in early babyhood, the idea of self starts to form.
我們都有一個(gè)自我但我并不認(rèn)為這是與生俱來(lái)的。你看那些剛出生的小嬰兒，他們認(rèn)為自己屬于任何事物，他們并不是脫離的。這種最基本的同一性，會(huì)很快從我們身上消失，如同最初始的狀態(tài)已經(jīng)結(jié)束。同一性：嬰兒期未成形的、原始的將不復(fù)存在，取而代之的是分離。在嬰兒期的某一點(diǎn)，關(guān)于自我的意識(shí)開(kāi)始萌芽。
Our little portion of oneness is given a name, is told all kinds of things about itself, and these details, opinions and ideas become facts, which go towards building ourselves, our identity. And that self becomes the vehicle for navigating our social world. But the self is a projection based on other people's projections. Is it who we really are? Or who we really want to be, or should be?
我們同一性的一小部分被賦予了一個(gè)名字被告知關(guān)于它自己的任何事情這些細(xì)節(jié)，觀點(diǎn)和想法變成事實(shí)，這些都幫我們形成自我以及自己的身份。然后這個(gè)自我就成為一個(gè)工具，用來(lái)探索周?chē)倪@個(gè)世界，但是這個(gè)自我實(shí)際上是一個(gè)投影。以其他人的投影為基礎(chǔ)這就是真正的我們嗎?是我們真正想成為，或者應(yīng)該成為的人嗎?
So this whole interaction with self and identity was a very difficult one for me growing up. The self that I attempted to take out into the world was rejected over and over again. And my panic at not having a self that fit, and the confusion that came fr-om my self being rejected, created anxiety, shame and hopelessness, which kind of defined me for a long time.
在我成長(zhǎng)過(guò)程中我一直都很難處理自我與身份之間的相互影響，那個(gè)我嘗試著向周?chē)氖澜缯故镜淖晕�，被一次又一次拒絕，因?yàn)闆](méi)有一個(gè)合適的自我而帶來(lái)的恐慌，以及因?yàn)楸痪芙^而產(chǎn)生的惶恐，引起了我的焦慮、羞愧還有無(wú)望。這些在很長(zhǎng)一段時(shí)間里都限制了我。
But in retrospect, the destruction of my self was so repetitive that I started to see a pattern. The self changed, got affected, broken, destroyed, but another one would evolve -- sometimes stronger, sometimes hateful, sometimes not wanting to be there at all. The self was not constant. And how many times would my self have to die before I realized that it was never alive in the first place?
但當(dāng)我回想過(guò)去對(duì)于自我的毀滅反復(fù)出現(xiàn)，我開(kāi)始看出一些規(guī)律，一個(gè)自我被改變被影響、被打擊破壞，但有一個(gè)新的會(huì)形成。有時(shí)更強(qiáng)、有時(shí)充滿仇恨、有時(shí)則根本不想出現(xiàn)，這個(gè)自我并不是恒定的。在我還沒(méi)有意識(shí)到這個(gè)自我曾經(jīng)從未存在時(shí)，我的“自我”會(huì)死多少次呢?
I grew up on the coast of England in the '70s. My dad is white fr-om Cornwall, and my mom is black fr-om Zimbabwe. Even the idea of us as a family was challenging to most people. But nature had its wicked way, and brown babies were born. But fr-om about the age of five, I was aware that I didn't fit. I was the black atheist kid in the all-white Catholic school run by nuns.
我于上世紀(jì)七十年代生長(zhǎng)在英格蘭的海岸邊，我父親是來(lái)自康沃爾的白人，我母親是來(lái)自津巴布韋的黑人。對(duì)于許多人來(lái)說(shuō)是無(wú)論如何也想不到我們是一家人，但大自然自有意想不到的一面，棕色的孩子出生了。但自從五歲開(kāi)始我就察覺(jué)出我的格格不入。我是一個(gè)信奉無(wú)神論的黑人孩子，在一個(gè)由修女運(yùn)轉(zhuǎn)的白人天主學(xué)校我是一個(gè)另類(lèi)。
I was an anomaly, and my self was rooting around for definition and trying to plug in. Because the self likes to fit, to see itself replicated, to belong. That confirms its existence and its importance. And it is important. It has an extremely important function. Without it, we literally can't interface with others. We can't hatch plans and climb that stairway of popularity, of success.
我的自我在不斷尋找一個(gè)定義并試圖將自己套入定義，因?yàn)樽晕叶际窃敢馊ト谌搿？吹阶约罕粡?fù)制，有歸屬感那能確認(rèn)自我的存在感和重要性，這很重要。這有一個(gè)極端重要的功能，沒(méi)有一個(gè)對(duì)自我的定義，我們簡(jiǎn)直不能和其他人交流。我們無(wú)法制定計(jì)劃、無(wú)法爬上潮流和成功的階梯。
But my skin color wasn't right. My hair wasn't right. My history wasn't right. My self became defined by otherness, which meant that, in that social world, I didn't really exist. And I was "other" before being anything else -- even before being a girl. I was a noticeable nobody.
但我的膚色不對(duì)、我的發(fā)色不對(duì)、我的來(lái)歷不對(duì)，我的自我被他人定義。這意味著在社會(huì)上我并不存在，我首先被定義為一個(gè)另類(lèi)，甚至先于被定義為一個(gè)女孩。我是一個(gè)引人注意的沒(méi)有人。
Another world was opening up around this time: performance and dancing. That nagging dread of self-hood didn't exist when I was dancing. I'd literally lose myself. And I was a really good dancer. I would put all my emotional expression into my dancing. I could be in the movement in a way that I wasn't able to be in my real life, in myself.
在這個(gè)時(shí)候另一個(gè)世界出現(xiàn)了，那就是表演和舞蹈。對(duì)于自我糾纏不清的恐懼在我跳舞時(shí)并不存在，我像是失去了自己。我是一個(gè)好的舞蹈演員，我會(huì)把我所有的感情投入到舞蹈中去。在舞蹈中我能完成我在現(xiàn)實(shí)中自己無(wú)法做到的動(dòng)作。
And at 16, I stumbled across another opportunity, and I earned my first acting role in a film. I can hardly find the words to describe the peace I felt when I was acting. My dysfunctional self could actually plug in to another self, not my own, and it felt so good. It was the first time that I existed inside a fully-functioning self -- one that I controlled, that I steered, that I gave life to. But the shooting day would end, and I'd return to my gnarly, awkward self.
當(dāng)我16歲時(shí)我無(wú)意中遇到另一個(gè)機(jī)遇，得到了我的第一個(gè)電影角色。我難以找到言語(yǔ)來(lái)形容在表演中我感受到的平靜，我那殘缺的自我終于融入了不是我自己的另一個(gè)自我，這種感覺(jué)真好。那是我第一次存在于一個(gè)正常運(yùn)作的自我、一個(gè)我可以控制的、可以操縱的、可以賦予生命的自我。但是拍攝的日子終會(huì)結(jié)束，我也會(huì)回到我那扭曲尷尬的自我。
By 19, I was a fully-fledged movie actor, but still searching for definition. I applied to read anthropology at university. Dr. Phyllis Lee gave me my interview, and she asked me, "How would you define race?" Well, I thought I had the answer to that one, and I said, "Skin color." "So biology, genetics?" she said. "Because, Thandie, that's not accurate. Because there's actually more genetic difference between a black Kenyan and a black Ugandan than there is between a black Kenyan and, say, a white Norwegian.
當(dāng)我19歲時(shí)，我已經(jīng)是一個(gè)羽翼豐滿的電影演員，但卻仍在尋找定義。我在大學(xué)里申請(qǐng)攻讀人類(lèi)學(xué)Phyllis Lee博士對(duì)我進(jìn)行了面試，她問(wèn)我：“你怎樣定義種族?”嗯，我覺(jué)得我有答案，然后我說(shuō)：“膚色。”她繼續(xù)問(wèn)道：“也就是生物學(xué)基因上的差異?” “因?yàn)�，桑迪，膚色并不準(zhǔn)確。在一個(gè)黑皮膚的肯尼亞人和一個(gè)黑皮膚的烏干達(dá)人之間存在的基因差異，實(shí)際上超過(guò)在一個(gè)黑皮膚的肯尼亞人和一個(gè)比如說(shuō)，白皮膚的挪威人之間的差異。
Because we all stem fr-om Africa. So in Africa, there's been more time to create genetic diversity." In other words, race has no basis in biological or scientific fact. On the one hand, result. Right? On the other hand, my definition of self just lost a huge chunk of its credibility. But what was credible, what is biological and scientific fact, is that we all stem fr-om Africa -- in fact, fr-om a woman called Mitochondrial Eve who lived 160,000 years ago. And race is an illegitimate concept which our selves have created based on fear and ignorance.
因?yàn)槲覀兌计鹪从诜侵蓿栽诜侵薷锌赡墚a(chǎn)生基因多樣性�！睋Q句話說(shuō)種族這一說(shuō)法，并沒(méi)有生物學(xué)或科學(xué)基礎(chǔ)一方面，這是結(jié)果對(duì)嗎?另一方面，我對(duì)自我的定義則失去了相當(dāng)大一部分的可信度，可以相信的以及生物學(xué)和科學(xué)事實(shí)，就是我們都起源于非洲。實(shí)際上，起源于一個(gè)叫做線粒體夏娃的女人，她生活在十六萬(wàn)年前，種族是一個(gè)不合法的概念，是我們自己創(chuàng)造出來(lái)的基于恐懼和無(wú)知。
Strangely, these revelations didn't cure my low self-esteem, that feeling of otherness. My desire to disappear was still very powerful. I had a degree fr-om Cambridge; I had a thriving career, but my self was a car crash, and I wound up with bulimia and on a therapist's couch. And of course I did. I still believed my self was all I was. I still valued self-worth above all other worth, and what was there to suggest otherwise?
奇怪的是，這些啟示并沒(méi)有治愈我那缺少的自尊，那種被劃為另類(lèi)的感覺(jué)。我渴望消失的想法依舊十分強(qiáng)烈。我有一個(gè)劍橋的學(xué)位，我的事業(yè)蒸蒸日上。但我的自我卻如同一場(chǎng)車(chē)禍，最終我患上貪食癥并接受治療，我當(dāng)然會(huì)這樣，我依舊相信我的自我就是我的全部，我依舊認(rèn)為自我價(jià)值高于其余任何價(jià)值。不然還能怎樣呢?
We've created entire value systems and a physical reality to support the worth of self. Look at the industry for self-image and the jobs it creates, the revenue it turns over. We'd be right in assuming that the self is an actual living thing. But it's not. It's a projection which our clever brains create in order to cheat ourselves fr-om the reality of death.
我們創(chuàng)造了整個(gè)價(jià)值系統(tǒng)以及一個(gè)客觀的現(xiàn)實(shí)，用以支持自我的價(jià)值，看看由個(gè)人形象帶動(dòng)的產(chǎn)業(yè)，還有它提供的工以及它創(chuàng)造的價(jià)值。我們可能會(huì)假設(shè)這個(gè)自我是真實(shí)存在的，但我們錯(cuò)了。這只是一個(gè)投影，是由我們聰明的大腦創(chuàng)造出來(lái)的，來(lái)欺騙我們自己無(wú)需面對(duì)死亡的現(xiàn)實(shí)。
But there is something that can give the self ultimate and infinite connection -- and that thing is oneness, our essence. The self's struggle for authenticity and definition will never end unless it's connected to its creator -- to you and to me. And that can happen with awareness -- awareness of the reality of oneness and the projection of self-hood.
但總有一些事能賦予自我極無(wú)盡的聯(lián)系，就是同一性我們的本源自我對(duì)于真實(shí)性和定義的掙扎永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)停止，除非自我能夠與創(chuàng)造者相連。與你，與我這和意識(shí)的覺(jué)醒一同存在意識(shí)到同一性的現(xiàn)實(shí)以及自我的投影。
For a start, we can think about all the times when we do lose ourselves. It happens when I dance, when I'm acting. I'm earthed in my essence, and my self is suspended. In those moments, I'm connected to everything -- the ground, the air, the sounds, the energy fr-om the audience. All my senses are aler-t and alive in much the same way as an infant might feel -- that feeling of oneness.
一開(kāi)始，我們可以想想那些我們失去自我的時(shí)候，當(dāng)我跳舞時(shí)、表演時(shí)，我根植于我的本源，我的自我被抑制了在那些時(shí)刻。我與萬(wàn)物相連，大地、空氣、聲音、觀眾的能量，我的所有感官都是警覺(jué)和鮮活的如同一個(gè)嬰兒感受到的一般，那種同一性的感覺(jué)。
And when I'm acting a role, I inhabit another self, and I give it life for awhile, because when the self is suspended so is divisiveness and judgment. And I've played everything fr-om a vengeful ghost in the time of slavery to Secretary of State in 20xx. And no matter how other these selves might be, they're all related in me. And I honestly believe the key to my success as an actor and my progress as a person has been the very lack of self that used to make me feel so anxious and insecure.
當(dāng)我表演一個(gè)角色時(shí)我進(jìn)入了另一個(gè)自我。我在一段時(shí)間內(nèi)賦予其生命當(dāng)自我被抑制時(shí)它的多樣性和判斷也會(huì)一同被抑制。我出演過(guò)許多角色，從奴隸時(shí)代想要復(fù)仇的鬼魂，到20xx年的國(guó)務(wù)卿。無(wú)論這些角色是多么的不同，他們?nèi)寂c我相連。我誠(chéng)懇地認(rèn)為我作為一個(gè)演員能夠成功的關(guān)鍵以及作為一個(gè)不斷進(jìn)步的人，是因?yàn)樽晕业娜笔�，這讓我覺(jué)得非常焦慮和不安。
I always wondered why I could feel others' pain so deeply, why I could recognize the somebody in the nobody. It's because I didn't have a self to get in the way. I thought I lacked substance, and the fact that I could feel others' meant that I had nothing of myself to feel. The thing that was a source of shame was actually a source of enlightenment.
我總是在想為什么我能如此深切地感受到他人的痛苦，為什么我能辨認(rèn)出一個(gè)被忽視的人，那是因?yàn)槲覜](méi)有一個(gè)自我擋在中間，我想我缺少一種介質(zhì)我能夠感受他人這個(gè)事實(shí)。說(shuō)明我感受不到我自己這曾經(jīng)導(dǎo)致了我的羞愧，其實(shí)是給我啟蒙的源頭。
And when I realized and really understood that my self is a projection and that it has a function, a funny thing happened. I stopped giving it so much authority. I give it its due. I take it to therapy. I've become very familiar with its dysfunctional behavior. But I'm not ashamed of my self. In fact, I respect my self and its function. And over time and with practice, I've tried to live more and more fr-om my essence. And if you can do that, incredible things happen.
當(dāng)我意識(shí)到并真正明白自我是一個(gè)投影，并有它自己的功能時(shí)，一件有意思的事發(fā)生了，我不再給我的自我過(guò)多的權(quán)利，我給它應(yīng)得的回報(bào)，我?guī)ブ委煟乙呀?jīng)非常熟悉自我的不正常運(yùn)作了。但我并不為我的自我感到羞愧。事實(shí)上，我尊重我的自我和它的功能，經(jīng)過(guò)時(shí)間和練習(xí)，我不斷嘗試過(guò)一種順從我的本源的生活。如果你能做到這一點(diǎn)，將會(huì)發(fā)生不可思議的事情。
I was in Congo in February, dancing and celebrating with women who've survived the destruction of their selves in literally unthinkable ways -- destroyed because other brutalized, psychopathic selves all over that beautiful land are fueling our selves' addiction to iPods, Pads, and bling, which further disconnect ourselves fr-om ever feeling their pain, their suffering, their death.
二月份的時(shí)候我在剛果與那些自我曾遭受難以想象的毀滅的女人們一起跳舞慶祝，因?yàn)樵谀瞧利惖耐恋厣夏切┍粴埧釋?duì)待的心理變態(tài)的自我，正不斷滿足我們對(duì)于iPod以及iPad等光鮮事物的癮。這些更進(jìn)一步阻礙我們?nèi)ジ惺芩齻兊耐纯�、她們的遭遇、她們的死亡�?/p>
Because, hey, if we're all living in ourselves and mistaking it for life, then we're devaluing and desensitizing life. And in that disconnected state, yeah, we can build factory farms with no windows, destroy marine life and use rape as a weapon of war. So here's a note to self: The cracks have started to show in our constructed world, and oceans will continue to surge through the cracks, and oil and blood, rivers of it.
因?yàn)楫?dāng)我們都活在自己的世界里，并以為這就是生活。那我們就是在貶低生活的價(jià)值，并且變得越來(lái)越遲鈍。在那樣一個(gè)被隔斷的狀態(tài)里我們可以建造沒(méi)有窗戶(hù)的工廠、破壞海洋生命、把xx視為戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)的一種武器。這有一個(gè)對(duì)自我的建議在我們這個(gè)被構(gòu)造的世界里已經(jīng)開(kāi)始出現(xiàn)裂縫，海水將持續(xù)不斷從裂縫中涌出石油和鮮血，匯流成河。
Crucially, we haven't been figuring out how to live in oneness with the Earth and every other living thing. We've just been insanely trying to figure out how to live with each other -- billions of each other. Only we're not living with each other; our crazy selves are living with each other and perpetuating an epidemic of disconnection.
關(guān)鍵在于我們尚未找出、怎樣與地球和萬(wàn)物一起生活在同一性中我們一直在瘋狂地尋找，怎樣和數(shù)十億的其他人一起生活，只是我們并非和其他人一起生活。我們瘋狂的自我們?cè)谝黄鹕睢⑴c他人的隔斷，也如同傳染病一般蔓延。
Let's live with each other and take it a breath at a time. If we can get under that heavy self, light a torch of awareness, and find our essence, our connection to the infinite and every other living thing. We knew it fr-om the day we were born. Let's not be freaked out by our bountiful nothingness. It's more a reality than the ones our selves have created. Imagine what kind of existence we can have if we honor inevitable death of self, appreciate the privilege of life and marvel at what comes next. Simple awareness is where it begins.
讓我們生活在一起，歇一口氣，慢慢來(lái)。如果我們能進(jìn)入那沉重的自我，點(diǎn)燃一支覺(jué)察的火炬尋找我們的本源。我們和永恒以及萬(wàn)物的聯(lián)系，我們從出生那天就知道的聯(lián)系。我們無(wú)須因?yàn)榇罅康目仗摱艔�，相比于我們�?chuàng)造出的那些這空虛更加真實(shí)。想像我們能有怎樣的存在方式，當(dāng)我們正視自我不可避免的死亡、感恩生命的權(quán)利，驚異于即將到來(lái)的事物這些都來(lái)自于簡(jiǎn)單的覺(jué)察。
Thank you for listening.
感謝聆聽(tīng)!
《學(xué)會(huì)擁抱別人，就是給自己溫暖》觀后感
從小到大我的性格都是屬于那種很要強(qiáng)的人，心中想要超越的對(duì)手就一定要決出勝負(fù)才肯罷休，并在那一階段拼命似的努力，以此來(lái)打敗自己的競(jìng)爭(zhēng)對(duì)手，不論是好友還是莫不相識(shí)的人，都會(huì)被我視為仇敵般對(duì)待(當(dāng)然，純粹是正當(dāng)競(jìng)爭(zhēng))，直到那一次，他改變了我內(nèi)心這種想法……
那是在五年級(jí)的一次月考檢測(cè)上，由于之前他學(xué)習(xí)刻苦努力，成績(jī)一直保持在我的前方，就這樣，不知是幸還是不幸他淪為了我的競(jìng)爭(zhēng)對(duì)手，原本班中的雙子星就在考試陰影的籠罩下慢慢開(kāi)始出現(xiàn)了破碎的痕跡�？荚嚽暗男瞧谌�，他打電話讓我去家里一起復(fù)習(xí)，在平時(shí)會(huì)很高興答應(yīng)的我此時(shí)卻有些猶豫不決，在這關(guān)鍵時(shí)刻也許一起復(fù)習(xí)會(huì)有意外的效果，但，但他可是我的對(duì)手呀，不行，我決不可以和他一起進(jìn)行，思考了片刻，語(yǔ)氣有些怯生生地拒絕了他，雖經(jīng)過(guò)他再三懇求可我仍沒(méi)有心動(dòng)，在掛下電話之前我聽(tīng)到了他重重地嘆氣聲，頓時(shí)心生不安，是呀，拿別人的真誠(chéng)去換自己的拒絕，真是一種不道義的行為，但為了超越他也是迫不得已的!
隨著月考的過(guò)去，整個(gè)人的身心都放松了許多，可是在放松的同時(shí)又隱約有些緊張，右眼地時(shí)常跳動(dòng)好像預(yù)示著我成績(jī)得不理想。果然，語(yǔ)文試卷的作文寫(xiě)得有些跑題，致使這一科就比他拉下去好幾十分，就算其它科考得再好也無(wú)法超過(guò)他了，望著窗外黑色的烏云，我真的意識(shí)到了我的錯(cuò)誤，淚水不禁涌了出來(lái)，我連忙低下頭偷偷拭去了眼角旁的眼淚，忽然我感到一只溫暖的手扶在我的肩上，回頭一看，原來(lái)是他，他安慰我說(shuō)：“沒(méi)關(guān)系的，考不好不要緊，就是一次檢測(cè)而已!哈哈�！笨粗煺鏌o(wú)邪的笑容，我擁抱了這位對(duì)手，而他也不僅僅是我的對(duì)手，還是我最好的朋友!
對(duì)手在一定意義上也是你的朋友，我們要珍惜這一段記憶，將如此幸運(yùn)之事永久封存在大腦之中。
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