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class="excellent_title">因?yàn)橛袗圩魑?/span> <span id="lt9tqtrom" class="excellent_star">推薦度：<i></i></span> </a></li> <li id="lt9tqtrom" class="excellent_articles_title">相關(guān)推薦</li> </ul> </div> <p>因?yàn)橛袗圩魑?/p> 　　<strong>因?yàn)橛袗圩魑?br /></strong>　　<br />　　<em>請以“因?yàn)橛袗邸被颉皽嘏年柟狻睘轭}，寫一篇不少于600字的記敘文。<br />　　<br />　　要求：（1）將題目抄寫在作文格的第一行。（2）貼近生活，關(guān)注體驗(yàn)，言之有物。（3）認(rèn)真書寫，力求工整、美觀。（4）文章不得出現(xiàn)真實(shí)的地名、校名、姓名。<br />　　<br />　　——2012年湖北荊州中考作文題</em><br />　　<br />　　文／荊州某考生<br />　　<br />　　記憶中那朵藍(lán)色的傘花，因?yàn)橛辛藧鄣淖甜B(yǎng)，經(jīng)久不衰地閃爍著灼灼的光華。而在每個(gè)有雨的日子，它會(huì)格外燦爛地占據(jù)我的心房。<br />　　<br />　　——題記<br />　　<br />　　每逢有雨的日子，我的心兒都會(huì)為一把藍(lán)色的雨傘所牽掛……<br />　　<br />　　那藍(lán)色，明澈如天空。<br />　　<br />　　小時(shí)候的那些雨天里，媽媽總撐著一把藍(lán)色的雨傘來接我。我的頭頂是一片藍(lán)色，單薄的身影籠罩在一片藍(lán)色之中，觸目所及都是一片藍(lán)色的無雨的天空。<br />　　<br />　　在那藍(lán)色的雨傘下，矮小的我抬頭和媽媽說話，卻驚愕地發(fā)現(xiàn)媽媽的那一半天空是一片陰沉的灰色，凄風(fēng)中摻雜著冷雨，潛入媽媽的天空。媽媽緊緊地?fù)碇业募珙^，身子在微顫著。我發(fā)現(xiàn)媽媽的肩膀濕了，額前的頭發(fā)也濕了。而我，依然置身于晴朗的藍(lán)色。<br />　　<br />　　“媽媽，雨傘歪了�！蔽姨嵝训馈�<br />　　<br />　　“沒有！沒有歪��！”媽媽輕輕地說道。<br />　　<br />　　我的視線落在傾斜的傘柄上，又一次重復(fù)道：“是真的，傘歪了！”<br />　　<br />　　媽媽卻仍然固執(zhí)地說：“沒有��！真的沒有！”<br />　　<br />　　后來，我漸漸長大了，好久沒和媽媽共撐一把傘了。<br />　　<br />　　或許是巧合，前幾天連連下著雨。周末回家，終于有機(jī)會(huì)得以為田間勞作的媽媽送傘了。又是一把藍(lán)色的傘，傘下是媽媽和我，已經(jīng)比媽媽高出半個(gè)頭的我撐著雨傘。<br />　　<br />　　我的視線不自覺地落在了傘柄上，那一幕與小時(shí)候的情景重疊在了一起。媽媽籠罩于一片藍(lán)色的無雨的天空下，而我的肩膀濕了，頭發(fā)也濕了。那根根晶亮的雨絲如千萬條愛的絲縷，在我眼前織就了一張網(wǎng)，網(wǎng)住了媽媽和我。<br />　　<br />　　“傘歪了�！眿寢屘嵝盐�。<br />　　<br />　　“沒有。沒有歪啊！”<br />　　<br />　　“是真的，雨傘歪了�！眿寢屩貜�(fù)道。<br />　　<br />　　“媽——，它真的沒歪，沒有�！�<br />　　<br />　　傘下是許久的沉默，我分明瞥見晶瑩的淚珠劃過了媽媽的臉頰。<br />　　<br />　　終于明白，這么多年來，媽媽一直都在為我撐起一片無雨的天空�，F(xiàn)在，我也想給媽媽一片快樂的藍(lán)天。 “誰言寸草心，報(bào)得三春暉�！�<br />　　<br />　　那天，那雨，那傘，那人，都是我所牽掛的。<br />　　<br />　　因?yàn)橛袗郏覀儫o懼風(fēng)雨；因?yàn)橛袗郏覀冾櫮畋舜�。愛的天空里，我們永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)孤單。<br />　　<br />　　老師評點(diǎn)<br />　　<br />　　本文具有如下特色：<br />　　<br />　　一是選材真實(shí)，情感真摯。這篇習(xí)作貼近生活，以情感取勝，讀來溫馨感人。雨天送傘，一個(gè)司空見慣的題材，卻因?yàn)樽髡咔擅畹奶幚盹@得別有韻味，演繹出了別樣的溫情。兩個(gè)相似的畫面，一份真摯的情感，那傾斜的雨傘撥動(dòng)著你我的心弦，雨天里流動(dòng)的脈脈溫情顯得真實(shí)自然。<br />　　<br />　　二是構(gòu)思巧妙，語言精美。文章以時(shí)間為序，以“愛”為紅線，使得文章脈絡(luò)分明，層次清楚，開篇的題記暗扣主旨，結(jié)尾照應(yīng)文題，使得全文結(jié)構(gòu)井然，渾然天成。文章用詞準(zhǔn)確，文辭典雅，表達(dá)靈動(dòng)，可謂意蘊(yùn)無窮，美不勝收。<br />　　<br />　�。▌⒄妫�<br />　　<br />　　編輯評點(diǎn)<br />　　<br />　　文章寫得美。之所以美，我想除寫作功底外，還有兩點(diǎn)：一是小作者有一種對美的追求，二是小作者心中的真情實(shí)感使然。其實(shí)兩點(diǎn)可合為一點(diǎn)——只有心中有了強(qiáng)烈的情感，才會(huì)促使我們努力創(chuàng)造美麗的意境去表現(xiàn)這份情感。<br />　　<br />　　我們總強(qiáng)調(diào)作文要表達(dá)真情實(shí)感，而要表達(dá)真情實(shí)感，最好從自我人手，做生活的有心人，以獲得作文題材或創(chuàng)作靈感。小作者是有心人，在生活中，獲得了“雨中送傘”這樣珍貴的體驗(yàn)。這體驗(yàn)存于心，是那么令人難忘，時(shí)不時(shí)浮現(xiàn)腦海，心情是愈想愈激動(dòng)，細(xì)節(jié)愈來愈清晰，意境愈來愈動(dòng)人。這難抑的激情奔涌于胸，想表達(dá)出來的欲望是那強(qiáng)烈，美好的畫面呼之欲出……也許平時(shí)沒有機(jī)會(huì)，中考正好碰到這么個(gè)題目，于是我們看到了這篇美文。<br />　　<br />　　感謝小作者，她的作文再一次印證：有了自我真實(shí)的體驗(yàn)，有了真摯情感，有一份對美的追求，加上一定的文字功底，作文想不得高分都難。<br />　　<br 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